dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
