Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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