I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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