Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
