playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
