I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
