i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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