o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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