I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
