no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
