saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
