Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
