He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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