I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
