One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
