Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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