Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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