After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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