I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
