she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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