I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
