Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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