I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize