My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
