bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
