Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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