What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
