Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
