i just google imaged poop.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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