My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
