I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
