She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
