ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
