I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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