Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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