This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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