we have officially lost it.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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