i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
