Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
