hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
