I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
