well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
