As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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