Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
