Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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