hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm too high and old for this...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
