Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
