im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
