There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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