he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
