I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
