youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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