and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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