we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
