my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
