she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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