Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Boobs speak an international language.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
