Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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