so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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