Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
