Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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